


The Story Never Ends

by rapunzel23



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 08:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20404513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rapunzel23/pseuds/rapunzel23
Summary: Nesta had been 12 the last time she saw Cassian. Right before he moved to a different country. A different continent. They were just kids then. Kids who were in the same school and somewhat friends but, she had not known what she felt then. And after some time, it did not matter. It made no difference.That was 5 years ago. She thought of him sometimes, during that time; but their lives had branched a long time ago. They have had no real contact ever since. No real information about each other. Until Nesta runs into him, while he's home for the summer.





	The Story Never Ends

Nesta stared at the little green dot. She shouldn’t. She knew that; and yet her thumb hovered over the icon for a few seconds anyway. Right before she exited the app completely and tossed her phone away. 

She flopped back down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She would not do it. She already knew that. So why she sometimes looked at the tiny faceless icon indicating that Cassian was online, she did not know. Social media connected people true but- it was not really a bridge. Messenger telling her that he was online, it made it almost seem like he was within her reach. But he was not. Not really. Not at all. 

It had been too many years. Too long. Too much time and distance between them. She didn’t even know him anymore. Technically she never did. Not even back when they were kids, when they were friends…or something. 

One can’t really randomly text people and ask questions. Ask if they want to meet up. Not when they haven’t talked in five years. Not when they have essentially grown up in different cities. Not when they have a girlfriend. 

Although that last one was not really a reason. It’s not like Nesta wanted anything or intended any harm. She would be perfectly innocent and proper. All she really wanted was friendship. 

The yearning for it, the friendship, the connection, it had hit her all of a sudden and knocked her off her feet. To be friends. With him.

Yet, she had a feeling if she texted, he would not reply. So she decided to spare herself that. At most, all she would get is a tiny bit of sporadic conversation that trails off. Busy lives and time differences. It was almost worse, to swallow her pride or self-respect to send a text, out of the blue; and receive three or four sentences over the course of a few days. Perhaps she would just be seen zoned. After her message remained delivered but unread for a day or two. Pathetic and humiliating. Nesta did not even know which version was worse; they were both equally bad. 

Therefore she would just not bother. It was just not worth it. Not when it would never amount to anything. 

She didn’t even know if he was still in the city or if he had flown back. All she knew was that she had wanted to meet up. To talk, to have a conversation. To sit across from him at a table, laughing or bantering. To commit his smile and laughter to her memory. To recall the colour of his eyes. To remember him a table away, the way he looked and the way he talked and the words he said. To give in to that greed and hoard and collect as many memories as she could. God, she was a greedy creep. 

Regardless, she had collected enough tiny rejections to last her a good while. No need to set herself up for some more. She would not reach out. Again. To be ignored again. 

Nesta supposed that the intensity of her want of his friendship, to be a small part of his life- and to have a small part of him- was due to having run into him last Friday. At a party full of people she knew but hardly ever talked to. And she had been having fun. Until she wasn't because she was too distracted. Trying not to look at him. Seeing him had destabilised her. She was not expecting it.

She was like an addict. Having had the tiniest sample of his attention, she wanted more. She scared at the thought of never having it again. So she wanted a little bit. A little more. A higher dose. Maybe if she had one afternoon, she would wrap the memory of it around her to last her another five years. It was not too much, to want more than two minutes. 

He was not here for long though. He would return. To his home. There was no point in Nesta opening this door, and having any semblance of...hope. So she closed her eyes and let sleep take her somewhere far away. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought of this. Opinions and comments appreciated!  
If you've ever felt this way or ever wished to talk to someone no longer in your life, all the while knowing that they don't return the sentiment, that perhaps they don't think of you at all... it's not a great feeling. You are welcome to share those thoughts and feelings in the comments. I'd love to hear from you. Especially to know what this made you think or feel.


End file.
